my babies

my babies

Monday, February 13, 2017

Looking Back

I have officially been married for two whole days now.  And it has been absolutely wonderful.  Looking back over the actual wedding provokes such precious thoughts and memories.  When I arrived at the church I was just a ball of nerves and energy.  I answered questions and I got things ready for the reception.  I went over the vows with the pastor.  Then I went into our large bridal bathroom at church to talk with my dear friend Kelley.  We talked and laughed and she helped me get dressed.  Then we prayed together.  She left to go to the ceremony and prepare to sing.  I was alone.  I talked things out with God out loud while I had Him all to myself.  I thanked Him for the years of grief and fear.  It has made me develop a sense of gratefulness and stamina like nothing else.  I thanked Him for the tears that were flowing.  I was so much in awe that this day was here.  Then I asked Him for confidence and to help my joy overcome my nerves.  And once again, He answered.  Fear left.  Nerves calmed.  They didn't disappear, but calmed down so much.  I stepped out of the bathroom.  Went to stand outside the doors where my sweet friends Danny and Sandra waited with me.  When it was time for me to walk down the aisle my friend Danny said the sweetest thing.  "Go on sweetheart....your husband is waiting on you".  I just about lost it then.  I stepped out.  And all I could see was this wonderful man.  Waiting.  For me.  Me.  As I got closer to the platform and he stepped out to take my hand and help me up the stairs his eyes were tear filled.  I just about lost it then.  But....I didn't.  I looked at my shoes.  Blinked furiously and asked (again) for confidence.  God so richly supplied.  Suddenly I realized how fantastic this day was.  I was marrying the man of my dreams in front of our parents, our children and so many sweet friends.  And I could not stop smiling. This was one of the happiest days of my life.  We spoke our vows to each other and looked at each other's eyes and meant them.  Really meant them.  I will cherish this man.  He will cherish me.  Of this I have no doubts.  When we spoke of faithfulness to each other it was with true conviction.  He is loyal and faithful and kind.  So kind. was over.  We took a few photos and then headed down to the the reception where we greeted family and friends.  We laughed and carried on with people we love.  Such a happy time.  No tension.  No ill will towards anyone present.  Just pure joy.  We left for just an overnight trip to Charlotte at a beautiful bed and breakfast.  It was just perfect.  I have never just experienced love that is just so pure.  So selfless.  Looking back over all the years and years of my life.  Through joys, heartbreak, stress, grief and ups and downs.  Nothing could have prepared me for this life.  Only two days in and I am so happy I cannot stop grinning.  I know I will come down to earth soon enough but for right his minute I cannot stop looking back to our beautiful wedding and look so forward to what God has in store for us.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

it's my wedding day

I'm getting married today.  Today.  I didn't think I ever would again.  But I am.  Today.  I am on an incredible emotional swirl right now.  I am so excited, so nervous, so overwhelmed.  Then I am incredibly calm too.  The hours are flying by but time is also just standing still.  I got my nails painted last night and of course Ellie May here has already chipped three of them.  I just touched them up and smudged one of the thumbs.  Cinderella better show up fast or Ellie May will walk down the aisle.  We have already broken the tradition of not seeing each other.  We went to pick up our flowers together earlier and moved some of my clothes.  He is so sweet.  He couldn't wait to see me, he said. And yesterday he sent me a beautiful bouquet of red roses to work.  the card made me cry....of said, "I can't wait to start my new life with you".  To say all my coworkers are a tiny bit jealous is a huge understatement.  I never thought I would love all this attention and spoiling from a man....but I do.  I love it.  Each day he makes me love him even more.  Just when I think I cannot possibly adore him anymore....he does the tiniest thing and I do.  He is just and absolute Godsend.  All I have left to do is take a bath, wash and fix my hair and put on my face.  I will get dressed at the church. My dear friend Kelley is singing one song for us and then  I'm walking down the aisle by myself.  That is a little nerve wracking because as much of an extrovert as I am I do not like all eyes to be on me.  I tend to do really dumb things then.  If I fall down would be pretty much par for the course. But it will be over before I know it and then....we will be married. My mom and I just picked up the cake and dropped it off in the family life center.  The punch is ready to be mixed.  It is all just so's my wedding day...... I am so ready.    

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Down to just 3.5 days

I just loaded my car with some clothes and I managed to clean out a few drawers and box that stuff up.  I am making progress!!  I even packed a few boxes of dishes too!!  At work I have been bringing home several boxes each day.  Right now I have a huge cheez-its box full of socks, hose and underwear.  And an applesauce box full of gloves, scarves and more socks.  I have way too much in the sock and underwear department for sure.  But I am making some progress...of sorts.  We are down to just 3.5 more days until we get married.  Excited??  Yes, I am.  Nervous??  Yes...I am.  Scared....Not one bit.  Am I sure??  Yes...with all my heart.  I am sure.  To say I am marrying the sweetest man in the world is a humongous understatement.  He is without a doubt the kindest and sweetest man ever.  He is the calm to this storm for sure.  As I look around this ginormous mess I cannot help but grin.  I really am getting married in just over three days.  I really am moving out of this house.  I really am starting a brand new life with an amazing man.  I really am!!  God is just so good to me.  And I so do not deserve it.  I fail my Lord daily.  I sin about 973 times each day...if not more.  I do exactly what I do not want to do and I don't do what i am supposed to do!!  Just like in Romans where Paul describes this very behavior!!  And just 3.5 days....God will answer my prayers.  Show me, once again, His wonderful favor by sending this wonderful man.  He has turned this pile of ashes into something of beauty.  I truly cannot wait for Saturday.  As I look around me and see all the things I have to do and to pack and to throw out and to sell and to just pack away at another house...I should just start to cry but I still just keep smiling.  Because all that stuff can just wait.  I'm getting married in a few days and that is all I can think about.  Good grief....I'm like a 22 year old nervous bride to be!!  My friend Sherry told me to just enjoy all this.  She got remarried after being divorced for many years at the ripe old age of 57.  She said she was the worlds oldest bride!  Well I am the worlds second oldest bride and I think I will do what she says.....enjoy all this and wish the next 3.5 days would just go faster!!!

Sunday, February 5, 2017

The Last Sunday Lunch

My family is gone home now and I am sitting at the counter of the house in less than a week I will call home.  We just had our last Sunday lunch together in the only home my children and grandchildren have known.  It was a little sad for me I cannot lie.  Memories are swarming all over me in this house.  But it was our usual loud and spirited Sunday lunch together.  For that ....I am grateful.  My bunch is loud and we all talk at the same time and we laugh and we cut up and have a great time together.  But today I looked at those faces for the last time in my dining room and was ok.  I'm good with it.  In a few days I will start my new life with my new husband in my new home and it will be good.  So good.  And we will start new traditions.  Family Sunday lunches in my new house.  Where we will continue to talk over one another and laugh and cut up and be loud.  Where we will eat food that I hope is always good but more importantly prepared with love.  With my family in mind.  I will have two new daughters to include and I am so glad about that.  Future sons in law to fix for.  More and more grand babies!!!  I do love babies.  New and exciting is this future.  Just a few moments ago my sweet husband-to-be wrapped his arms around me and whispered...."I will take care of you".  And he will.  I am so excited about our upcoming wedding.  Even if it is "lame" in the eyes of our kids.  I have had dozens of nightmares about it though.  Him not showing up.  My dress being 4 sizes too small....but I wear it anyway (yikes).  Falling down.  And a hundred other awful scenarios.  But in the end...Lord this time next week we will be married.  And then I will soon write about "The First Sunday Lunch in my New Home."  How great that will be and feel.  I will stress level is enormous.  My hot flashes???  Off the charts.  Off...the ...charts.  But with all that on my mind and all the things I have to was all about my last Sunday lunch in my mind.  I don't think any of the others even let that thought cross their mind.  And that is totally okay.

Friday, January 27, 2017

I'm a Saver

As I start going through all the things in my house I am starting to realize that my kids are right....I'm a hoarder.  I brought that up at church last Wednesday night and one of my sweet ladies told me I was not a hoarder but....a saver.  That just sounds so much better.  And I do save stuff.  Lotsa stuff.  I have enough clothes for a store.  I have enough glassware and dishes for another store and let's not even start on Christmas/Thanksgiving/Easter decorations.  And speaking of decorations.  I have all the floral/containers/vases anyone would need for a wedding.  I have all the stuff from three girls weddings to prove it!!!  It is unreal.  David and I are having a giant yardsale in the spring and between the both of us we should have around enough items that if we put .50 on each thing we stand to make around 18,000.00.  Not kidding.  Not.  How do we accumulate so much stuff???  I suppose for me it is the fact that at almost thirty years in this house I just never get rid of anything.  It pains me to part with one item.  I do not really have trash piled up like on that show "Hoarders" but the possessions I own.  Shameful.  I am totally and completely overwhelmed at the prospect of moving but on the other hand I cannot wait to start this new life with this man.  The plans we are making and the thought of just spending time with a husband that truly cherishes me and wants to protect me and spend actual time with me.  Totally a new thing.  Maybe normal for other women but for me???  Not so much.  The kind of time he wants to spend with me and just be with me is astounding.  So no matter what anyone says....this is something I am going to hoard and save!  Sifting through this house is hard and it is bringing up memories long gone but taking things to my new home and starting to put things away there is building new ones.  The excitement is so fun.  Even at our age....we are so excited.  All these emotions and feelings are something else I want to save.  Calling myself a saver puts a new spin on things for me.  Getting rid of a lot of old stuff is going to be a good thing.  Now I can focus on the things that are worth saving.

Monday, January 16, 2017

10 whole months!!

Being the slacker Mimi that I am here of late I am posting Finley's 10 month photos just a bit late.  Sorry!!  He is growing like a weed and this has been the fastest 10 months of my life.  I swaney...this baby was just born three days ago!!!

Well howdy there Mimi!!  Where is my old buddy Mr. Beaver?? I am Finley....please don't sling me around and pound me to the ground and chew on me and lick me and all that stuff you do or I might just faint!!

Mr. playin possum??

I will throw my attack bunny on you and y'all can be friends!

Why do all my play animals wind up on the floor Mimi???

Well, Finley...I try to keep them tucked up there but you just seem to sling about everything I give you right on down!   You little cutie-pie!

Finley, you are just about the sweetest baby ever.  You smile and laugh almost all the time.  You are ginormous!!  Your pediatrician says you are as big as a 15 month old baby.  Way off all the charts.  You are crawling like a madman and pulling up on everything.  I bet by next month you will be walking everywhere.  You talk and sing all the time and when you start making actual sense....well I don't see any kind of quiet in your daddy and mommy's future!  I love you little cuddle-bug!!

Saturday, January 14, 2017

meltdown time

i got up early this morning.  today is the day i start cleaning out, packing things, sifting through the years.  i started in my bathroom.  going through bottle after bottle of lotions, shampoos, body washes and did i mention dental floss?  good for years perhaps decades on that particular item. then i came across some hair ribbons and i just lost it.  a gargantuan flood of memories came to my heart.  combing little girls hair, whispers and giggles.  tears from snarls in long hair.  fights over the sink, over the mirror, over the tub.  time just fleeting through my mind.  years and years.  this house, i have come to consider, is a tomb.  every room and every corner holds some kind of memory.  mostly good.  this is the house where i raised my daughters.  struggled through homework, girlfriends, boyfriends, planned weddings, had showers, planned for grandbabies, endless pool days, and just the day to day hum of life.  this house holds up gallons of tears too.  memories i do not want to visit again when i turn the corner.  good riddance to those.  so meltdowns are bound to come.  many people have offered to help me pack and sort and i do so appreciate it and i will take them up on it for sure because....i am a hoarder afterall.....the stuff i have??  unreal.  but at first i just want to sift by myself.  shed tears at random over stupid things until it is out of my system.  once i get over the overwhelmingness of this move i will be good to go.  it is just so very hard.  but as i pack things i will take to my new home, things that will find a place in different surroundings.  new things yet unwrapped, old things that i cannot part with....i start to smile.  my heart leaps just a little at the new life placed before me.  anticipation, excitement, joy....all take the place of tears.  oh, i am going to cry plenty when i pull out of this driveway for the last time but when i walk into my new home for the first time and place the last item down in its place....a smile will take those last few drops away.  waking up for the first time when the sun is peaking over the horizon.... turning over to see my new husband...seeing his sweet face....  my smile??  huge.  just thinking about that makes me smile while i wipe the tears away from the crying jag i just had.  this house?  it really is just four walls and a roof.  home?  as i tell my girls, home is where your mom is.  and at my new home we will build new memories, new traditions, a new normal.  good memories of a new life for my girls, his girls...our girls.  our grandchildren and grandchildren yet to come.  a home where love overflows and meltdowns are kept to a minimum.