my babies

my babies

Monday, February 13, 2017

Looking Back

I have officially been married for two whole days now.  And it has been absolutely wonderful.  Looking back over the actual wedding provokes such precious thoughts and memories.  When I arrived at the church I was just a ball of nerves and energy.  I answered questions and I got things ready for the reception.  I went over the vows with the pastor.  Then I went into our large bridal bathroom at church to talk with my dear friend Kelley.  We talked and laughed and she helped me get dressed.  Then we prayed together.  She left to go to the ceremony and prepare to sing.  I was alone.  I talked things out with God out loud while I had Him all to myself.  I thanked Him for the years of grief and fear.  It has made me develop a sense of gratefulness and stamina like nothing else.  I thanked Him for the tears that were flowing.  I was so much in awe that this day was here.  Then I asked Him for confidence and to help my joy overcome my nerves.  And once again, He answered.  Fear left.  Nerves calmed.  They didn't disappear, but calmed down so much.  I stepped out of the bathroom.  Went to stand outside the doors where my sweet friends Danny and Sandra waited with me.  When it was time for me to walk down the aisle my friend Danny said the sweetest thing.  "Go on sweetheart....your husband is waiting on you".  I just about lost it then.  I stepped out.  And all I could see was this wonderful man.  Waiting.  For me.  Me.  As I got closer to the platform and he stepped out to take my hand and help me up the stairs his eyes were tear filled.  I just about lost it then.  But....I didn't.  I looked at my shoes.  Blinked furiously and asked (again) for confidence.  God so richly supplied.  Suddenly I realized how fantastic this day was.  I was marrying the man of my dreams in front of our parents, our children and so many sweet friends.  And I could not stop smiling. This was one of the happiest days of my life.  We spoke our vows to each other and looked at each other's eyes and meant them.  Really meant them.  I will cherish this man.  He will cherish me.  Of this I have no doubts.  When we spoke of faithfulness to each other it was with true conviction.  He is loyal and faithful and kind.  So kind.  Then...it was over.  We took a few photos and then headed down to the the reception where we greeted family and friends.  We laughed and carried on with people we love.  Such a happy time.  No tension.  No ill will towards anyone present.  Just pure joy.  We left for just an overnight trip to Charlotte at a beautiful bed and breakfast.  It was just perfect.  I have never just experienced love that is just so pure.  So selfless.  Looking back over all the years and years of my life.  Through joys, heartbreak, stress, grief and ups and downs.  Nothing could have prepared me for this life.  Only two days in and I am so happy I cannot stop grinning.  I know I will come down to earth soon enough but for right his minute I cannot stop looking back to our beautiful wedding and look so forward to what God has in store for us.

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