my babies

my babies

Saturday, January 14, 2017

meltdown time

i got up early this morning.  today is the day i start cleaning out, packing things, sifting through the years.  i started in my bathroom.  going through bottle after bottle of lotions, shampoos, body washes and did i mention dental floss?  good for years perhaps decades on that particular item. then i came across some hair ribbons and i just lost it.  a gargantuan flood of memories came to my heart.  combing little girls hair, whispers and giggles.  tears from snarls in long hair.  fights over the sink, over the mirror, over the tub.  time just fleeting through my mind.  years and years.  this house, i have come to consider, is a tomb.  every room and every corner holds some kind of memory.  mostly good.  this is the house where i raised my daughters.  struggled through homework, girlfriends, boyfriends, planned weddings, had showers, planned for grandbabies, endless pool days, and just the day to day hum of life.  this house holds up gallons of tears too.  memories i do not want to visit again when i turn the corner.  good riddance to those.  so meltdowns are bound to come.  many people have offered to help me pack and sort and i do so appreciate it and i will take them up on it for sure because....i am a hoarder afterall.....the stuff i have??  unreal.  but at first i just want to sift by myself.  shed tears at random over stupid things until it is out of my system.  once i get over the overwhelmingness of this move i will be good to go.  it is just so very hard.  but as i pack things i will take to my new home, things that will find a place in different surroundings.  new things yet unwrapped, old things that i cannot part with....i start to smile.  my heart leaps just a little at the new life placed before me.  anticipation, excitement, joy....all take the place of tears.  oh, i am going to cry plenty when i pull out of this driveway for the last time but when i walk into my new home for the first time and place the last item down in its place....a smile will take those last few drops away.  waking up for the first time when the sun is peaking over the horizon.... turning over to see my new husband...seeing his sweet face....  my smile??  huge.  just thinking about that makes me smile while i wipe the tears away from the crying jag i just had.  this house?  it really is just four walls and a roof.  home?  as i tell my girls, home is where your mom is.  and at my new home we will build new memories, new traditions, a new normal.  good memories of a new life for my girls, his girls...our girls.  our grandchildren and grandchildren yet to come.  a home where love overflows and meltdowns are kept to a minimum.

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