my babies

my babies

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Longings

Since going back to the gym I have noticed a familiar face.  There is a woman there named Jess.  She is attractive.  But bless her heart she has struggles.  She is just desperate for girlfriends.  She tries to make friends and to talk to other women but unfortunately something gets in the way.  Men.  She cannot take her eyes off of men.  She is also desperate for their attention.  To the point that every single woman avoids her like the plague.  We have all been around, seen or know women like this.  they just struggle.  I suppose her self esteem is really low or some other thing like that.  She is married but spends a great deal of her time at the gym.  She is there no matter what time you go and she is there until closing.  That all just seems so very sad to me.  She has a longing that she will never fill.  Not with girlfriends, or men, or new cars or gym classes galore.  She needs Jesus.  Today at school after we were finished with the breakfast crowd a mom came in with a brand new baby.  We oooed and ahhhhed over the baby for a few minutes and then the poor mom began to talk.  she talked for fifteen minutes.  She was desperate for conversation.  Desperate for someone....anyone to talk with her.  to her.  Listen to her.  She was overcome with a longing to be heard and seen and just noticed.  Aren't we all like that?  Everyone wants to be noticed by someone.  We all want to know that at least for a second...we cross someone's mind.  We are thought about.  That someone longs to be with us....see us....talk with us.  I know I do.  When I am by myself too long I would just about do anything to just talk to somebody.  I long for conversations.  Deep ones or silly, shallow ones.  As humans we have a built in longing for other people.  Even people who say they are extreme introverted loners need companionship.  We are geared that way by the Lord.  But that desperate longing can only be filled by Jesus.  We finished our Bible study tonight at church.  We closed with a weeks study on "brokenness".  I really identified with this.  I am broken.  My home is broken.  My children come from a broken home.  My grandchildren are broken.  The ripple affect.  I still struggle with the whole divorce thing.  I never planned on that.  Don't get me wrong.  I am over any deep feelings concerning my former husband.  I don't hate him.  I no longer love him.  I only feel a deep sadness about him.  He has chosen a different life for himself.  He has missed out on quite a lot but he has chosen that too.  I do long for a relationship though.  I miss the whole "marriage" thing.  I love the idea of taking care of someone...cooking for them, washing their clothes and all the "house-wifey" things.  I am old fashioned like that.  I like husbands to be men and wives to be ladies.  I long for that.  Like Jess longs for friends and the new mommy longs for someone to listen to her....I do have Jesus.  He is my friend, my provider.  He listens to me and Lord knows I talk to Him!  As our study ended speaking about how God sent a kinsmen redeemer for Ruth and He sent one for us too....Jesus.  How appropriate this Easter week to know that my Redeemer lives and He can fulfill the longings of my heart....

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