Wednesday, January 16, 2013
A Mouse Tale
I have two deep, great fears. Number One: Kodiak Bears. I just know a rabid rogue kodiak bear is going to break loose in Alaska and find its way down to my little podunk town and maul me to pieces. Hey! It could happen. Number Two: Mice. I hate them. Their beady black eyes. Their leathery, flickery tails. Their quickness. They carry all kinds of icky germs and diseases. They are just icky-yicky-gross. And they scare me. Really, really bad. So to gain victory over this fear since I can do nothing about rogue bears I buy all these flat sticky traps at WalMart. Since I despise that store you know this is a huge thing for me!! I place them all over my basement floor. All along the garage door down there. Under everything I have down there. Now I catch all kinds of things. Spiders (eeewww) Camel Crickets (double eeewww) Blue-tailed Lizards (eewww, eewww, eewww). I have even caught two snakes. Waaahhhh! Now yesterday I went downstairs to the laundry room to get my work clothes and when I came out something caught my eye. The corner of a sticky trap was poking out from under a chest of drawers I have downstairs. On it was....you got it! A mouse. A giant fat one too. I bet he weighed 4 or 5 pounds easy! Have I ever mentioned I kinda exaggerate a little bit some times?? I haven't?? Well, never mind then. I ran up the stairs to retrieve a WalMart bag to place the flat trap in but "Oh My Land O'Goshen" he was alive!!! And breathing!! And wiggling!! Well I ran back up the steps and double locked the door and then rinsed my eyes out because I am sure he spit poison venom into my eyes and would be blind in about 3 seconds. Not really but I did run upstairs. I did not tell Megan about this and I thought I would dispose of the little demon when I got home from work. When I got home I went straight downstairs and what to my wandering eyes did appear??? That demon mouse had writhed his way to the middle of the floor and was still alive and squeaking on that ding-dang trap!!!! Now do not get all soft on me people...it is a mouse not a cat or dog or child i left to die. So I did what any good southern girl would do. I got my daddy. First i ran next door to their house and asked Mama, "Where is my daddy?" she said he was in his workshop and what did i need him for since I was all wild-eyed and out of breath. I told her about the mouse and all she could say was, "You left the poor thing to suffer all day??!!" Good grief. I found daddy and asked him to go get rid of it please, please, PLEASE!! Now are you ready for this?? My mama asked him to wait because she needed to get him the baby oil. "For what", he and I asked at the same time. Well she reasoned out to us that he could rub it on the little mouse so it would come off the sticky trap and be set free. I looked at my daddy and he looked at me and then he said, "Kate, it's a mouse, I'm gonna stomp it." Sorry if your tender about flea infested disease ridden varmints. I just asked daddy not to stomp it on my floor in the basement. He said he would fold up the sticky trap and squash it like a sandwich. EEEWWW Gross!!! About five minute later I saw Daddy coming. He came down my driveway and into their kitchen door. I asked if he had killed it and Mama asked where it was now and then he said, "Here it is". And he lifted up a white folded up sticky trap with a flat mouse in it!!! My Mama said, "What are you going to do with it???" He stated that he was going to throw it in the trash and what did she mean what was he going to do with it. In which she stated that he had passed at least five trashcans in my house let alone my big one in the garage and why was he putting it in hers so she could worry about the poor little thing suffering all day. My parents are about six shades of funny I tell ya! Anyway, I have set out about twenty sticky traps and a couple of snap traps so I can catch any other mice that may have found their unfortunate way into my house. Now I gotta go find some bear traps too!!