Thursday, August 16, 2012
Words No Woman Wants To Hear
Hey! Longtime no see. Or read I should say. The last week or so I have been busy. I mean really busy. I love to put stuff off until my very last week of freedom so I can run around like a chicken with her head lopped off. Don't You???? Two Thursdays ago I broke a tooth. Great! I said, highlight of my whole day. It was the last tooth on the lower right side of my mouth. It felt like a huge jagged canyon that my tongue would not leave alone. Great info huh??? I called my dentist and guess what? My appointment was eight days later. Eight. 8. Good grief. So in the meantime I decided to whack out a few other appointments. One for the eye doctor (I have not been in about 14 years) and one for the girly doctor....you know that one. For some reason I made all these appointments back to back. Did I mention I just love torture???? When I got to the dentist I told them to just pull this tooth. I cannot afford a crown and unless they have a donor crown laying around on the floor somewhere out Mr. Molar comes. My dentist looks around my mouth , makes a few suggestions and then says those words that sparks fear in every heart..."Now this won't hurt a bit". Well, Praise The Lord my sweetie-pie of a dentist filled it and now it is whole and back to chewing and he was right. Not a bit of pain. Off to the girly doctor. I really like my doctor. He is really kind and listens and respects my concerns. I am menopausal and that carries alot of weight. Literally and figuratively. He listens to my questions, asks a few of his own. We dance around the inevitable...then...he says those words that makes even the toughest woman's innards seize up. "Can you slide down to the end of the table?" What!!!!??? Why, no I can't says no woman ever! I don't know about you but my mind is on everything and anything and nothing all at the same time. If he asks me something I have no clue what answer I give. He may say something like, "So, have you travelled anywhere this summer that was exciting?" I may or may not respond but if I do I am sure I say something super intelligent like, "I went to Walmart yesterday." Or I may say nothing and just hum the tune to the Monkees tv show. Then after the actual exam part is over I just want to get out of there. Fast. Nascar Fast, baby. Run for the border. I pay my co-pay and off I go to the eye doctor. Did I mention I love torture? I wear glasses for driving because I am near sighted. I have had the same pair for fourteen years. They have been sat on, dropped, scratched to pieces and had the ear piece fixed with tape. Needless to say they give me headaches. So I sit there dreading the moment when she dilates my eyes. Well, what do you know they don't do that anymore!!! That is progress I love. Then, she says the words we girls love. "Honey, I think you need bifocals." Great. I will pick those up with a box of depends and a bright, shiny new cane. Actually, I get to stick with readers for a few more years and just a little stronger prescription for my near-sightedness. So today, I am cleaning my house like a madwoman because I am having my granddaughters birthday party here on Saturday. I have meant to clean my house really good all summer but like everything else that i just love to do(???) I have put it off. These are words you will probably never hear me say, "I just adore housework! Don't you?"