Hardened Heart?? Guilty As Charged.

This morning I was determined to squeeze in my devotional time.  For some reason I have been so undisciplined this summer.  Well, not some reason...the only reason is laziness.  I still have the same 24 hours in a day as I have in the other seasons.  This morning it was the all to familiar story of Jesus feeding the 5000 in the book of Mark.  I have read it a hundred times.  But before I started, I did ask God to reveal to me what He would have me learn this morning.  I really need some wisdom on some things and I know the best source is in God's word.  I skimmed (I am so obedient!!) over the story that correlated to my devotional but really didn't perceive anything new or applicable.  But...then I read on a little.  The next passage tells of Jesus walking on the water to the disciples in the boat.  They were afraid.  Jesus told them to be courageous and not afraid and then He climbed into the boat.  The disciples were completely amazed. 

Verse 52 states:  "for they had not understood about the loaves; their hearts were hardened."

I thought about that statement and found it odd.  The disciples didn't understand about the loaves??  That ginormous miracle Jesus had just performed a few hours ago?  What was not to understand...it was a miracle for all to see just who Jesus was.  Right??  True, but that is just the surface.  Jesus is a beneath the surface kind of God.  He is God, so there is always more to any miracle.  My heart is hardened just like the disciples.  I see the miracles that God works in "others'" lives but I do not see or expect them in my own life.  What I have credited to a lack of belief is really a willful, hard-hearted rejection of Christ's ability to handle my problems.  This, my friends, is a form of ...gulp...Pride.  My heart is so stubborn and willful that I not only don't think Jesus can handle my problems, I don't allow Him to even have my problems.  The disciples saw Jesus feed thousands with five loaves and two fish but didn't expect Him to handle a little storm for them on the lake.  Jesus plainly told them in   Mark 50:  "Take courage!  It is I.  Don't be afraid."  I am just like those knucklehead disciples.  I don't take courage and I am afraid.  Afraid of the future.  Afraid that Jesus will not provide for me.  Take care of me.  I have thought and said that I struggle with believing God.  Not believing in but plain old believing.  How sad.  I prayed today that my heart will begin to soften towards these thoughts and that they be taken captive by God.  It is the work of the devil that keeps me in the bondage of rejection.  It is a wonderful, amazing thing.  The word of God.  How, even though you may read something dozens of times He can reveal a whole new thing to you.  And soften us towards Him...where we belong.