A Final Goodbye to 2009

Hey Y'all,

I, for one, am glad to see this year leave. With the exception of a few events this has been the toughest, hardest and saddest year of my life. I am looking forward to 2010 with a hope that is delicate and fragile in it's expectations. This past year I watched my beautiful daughter get married. That was a wonderful event. But for most of the year I have truly struggled with grief. Deep, gut-wrenching grief. I have watched my marriage of 26 years die. I cannot express how horrible this has been in words or in print. It is an agonizing death that just does not seem to stop. My husband wants another life and it is not with me. Not only has this shattered my heart it has ripped my family to shreds. There is this huge cloud over my home and it drips constantly. This region has had tremendous rainfall this year and it has fit my life to a tee. Dreary. I have felt all my joy just drain away. Sure, there have been moments of laughter. Times of happiness. But happiness is fleeting. Joy is deep rooted from God. On Christmas morning when I opened that precious little bib. I felt a flame of joy leap back up in my soul. It has grown and gotten stronger every minute. This baby has refueled my joy. God is just so good. Joy will rise from the ashes of this year. As sad as I am about the end of my marriage, I am overjoyed about being a grandmother. Overjoyed. Can there be too much joy? I don't think so. I can wallow and grieve and cry and dwell. Or I can allow God to begin a healing of my heart with the knowledge that He has plans for me that are good. I do not know what 2010 holds for my fractured family but God does and it is meant for good. I have prayed for healing many times. Healing of my marriage, healing of friends, family and my own heart. God is the Great Healer and His loving balm is His Word. This new year I am making more time to stay in God's Word and commit to learn and apply it straight to my aching heart. I am sure there will be more tears, dreary days and nights, lonliness that is barely bearable but....God is my portion. And come August I will have my own little piece of joy to hold and whisper the love of Jesus in that precious ear.

Bless Y'all,

Cindy